Tag Archives: parenting

What I did on my summer vacation:

I visited family, swam in their pool and listened to my son laugh. I went for a lot of walks and ate really good food. I took my son to one of those indoor arcades that I really don’t enjoy, but he loves! I sent my husband and son off to the fair together. I went to the ocean with them next. We ate ice cream almost every night, went walking on the beach and looked at the sand and waves. We spent hours and hours in the water and on the beach. My husband and I got to have uninterrupted conversations. And we just spent time as a family.

In the hustle and bustle of our busy lives, it’s more important than ever to take time as a family. Leave your house, chores, and worries behind. Just hanging out together helped us reconnect and remember all the good parts of our life together.

I also returned to my work feeling renewed and energized. Having that time out of my typical surroundings and spending time in nature gives me a lift. I hope everyone can take time to have a vacation now and then, even if it’s just a couple days to walk away from your worries and start fresh. It’s so worth it.

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Being honest with kids..,why is it so important?

When it comes to kids, it’s tempting to sugarcoat answers to their questions. Children are curious beings, and we want to nurture that curiosity. But guess what? If we give them cute answers or un-truths, we are doing them a disservice. If we give them answers that are simple so they can understand, but are based on fact, they will seek further answers as they grow. Being honest will actually nurture the critical thinking skills that are so important.

Some questions I’ve been asked over the years include:

Where do babies come from?
Why is that man sleeping on the bench?
How come that lady is acting silly?
How come that kid needs a wheelchair?

And the inspiration for this post, my son of course. A car full of teenagers was pulled over in front of our house tonight. There were 2 sheriffs, 1 town officer, and 1 state K-9 unit. Now he’s. 9, so I had to go into more detail than I would with a three or four year old, but basically I went with the truth. They broke the law and there are consequences. This led to a conversation about laws, police, drugs, and safety. What an amazing opportunity for him to learn about these things. Someone asked me why I would tell him about drugs, but I would rather he hear about the topic from his parents. Besides, it’s only a matter of time before he tunes us out!

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Math: How to include more math in play

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I recently attended a workshop that focuses on integrating math into literacy and play. It was sponsored by Vermont’s Early Learning Initiative, and training was based on the new common core state standards and Mother Goose Cares About Math and Science, a VT Center for the Book program. see more about mother goose here.

1) math doesn’t always mean numbers and 1,2,3’s.

It can be shapes, patterns, and sounds, or even the events in a story. When a child hugs a big tree, stretching their arms around it, they’re doing math. Ask them how many more friends can hug the tree. Using a non-standard unit of measurement is still math. We can also nurture pattern observation by providing small items for sorting such as pompoms or wooden beads. Noticing various attributes is math. Offer an egg carton for sorting, ask the child to tell you about the shapes, colors, or other properties they notice.

2) kids love to be mathematicians and scientists.

Children respond to being trusted, valued, and heard. What better way to support this value than to gather predictions from the children and conduct experiments, and then chart the results. “How many shoes do we need to line up to get to the door?” Grab a large piece of paper and make a T chart. “How many of us have brown eyes? Blue?…” Create a pie chart illustrating the eye colors of the whole group. Charting is also a great opportunity to use words like more, less, near, far.

3) books and pictures don’t have to be about shapes or counting to provide opportunities for math learning.

A book about jungle animals can be just as valuable as a book on 1,2,3’s. Look for patterns or rhythms in the words (Dr. Seuss books are great for this). Clap your hands to the beat of the rhymes. Help the children identify the recurring characters on each page. They’ll learn to recognize shapes if they have practice, even if they’re not geometric shapes.

4) incorporate materials and routines that offer opportunity for math.

The children in my care set the table everyday. They count how many friends are here and identify the dishes we need. They practice 1 to 1 correspondence when placing one plate at each seat. We also count heads on our way out the door and on the way in. Offering materials such as dominoes, dice, small items for sorting, and measuring tools are helpful as well. As children learn what three dots look like, counting will become easier. Seeing standard tools of measurement will also prepare the children for their eventual use.

Most of these suggestions are geared toward preschool age children, but keep in mind that they are easily adapted to support many ages. And remember, just because they’re little, doesn’t mean that toddlers aren’t capable of learning math concepts. I have seen children as young as 18 months recognizing simple visual patterns, like seeing a dog on every page of a book.

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“Don’t make a scene.”

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Ever heard yourself say these words to your child in public? Ever heard someone else say them? You know what happens, it’s like a green light for a power struggle. It’s like your child wants to make you even madder so you’ll give in. They push and push until you just can’t take the staring and humiliation anymore. And you give in, and it happens again the next time and the next time. You feel like your child is some sort of manipulative genius, right?

I’ve been there, and I’m sure so have many of you. Guess what? Your child is not trying to manipulate you. There is no secret desire to embarrass you. So what gives? You’re at the grocery store with your three year old child, and you pick up a container of strawberries and place it in your cart. “Not that one! I want that one over there.” You stand firm and ask what the difference could be, they look the same to you. “That is the one we need. Put this one back, I like that one .” It’s just a container of fruit, no big deal.

Now, this is a verbal child, and that makes a huge difference in how this could play out. But the bottom line is the same: do not worry about the other folks in the store judging your response. You are the parent (or guardian or grandparent…), and you need to approach each situation as you see fit. If your child doesn’t agree with your decision, react as you would had no one been observing. Children expect consistency and predictability from the adults in their lives, and that goes for every situation (I know I use these words often but they are just so true).

And some of those power struggles are the child’s way of checking in just to make sure all the rules are still the same. My 9 year old will ask for something, I’ll say no, and he’ll say, “can’t blame me for trying.” If our young children could say this to us, wouldn’t it be so much easier?

And let’s remember that all of us have either been there, or will be there at some point in our child’s life. I remember walking my child into preschool in his pajamas with only one shoe on one time. He was crying and whining, and all I could think was : “I’m so embarrassed. I’m an early educator in this community and my kid is acting like this?” Guess what? His teacher reminded me that the other parents were probably just relieved it wasn’t their child that day. She reminded me to take a breath, and be the parent that I had been just 10 minutes before when I told my child, “if you won’t get dressed, that’s your choice, but you still have to go to school.” I stood by that decision, and was so glad I did, despite the perceived judgement.

It’s sometimes those moments that our children learn the most from us. So next time you’re on the edge of a public power struggle with your child , remember: you are still the parent you were before the scene began, and you’re not alone.

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When Accidents Happen…

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Coloring Pages…Helpful or Hurtful?

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Some childcare providers provide coloring pages to the children, and it’s quite a debate among caregivers. Personally, I’m against them. Professionally, I’m against them. Let me tell you why.

-no imagination required. How sad… Creative expression is a stress reliever for children, as well as a coping strategy for children processing a life transition. It also helps build young amazing minds that can solve problems and think outside the box.

-coloring in the lines is hard for many children and leads to frustration. Skills develop in time, and children can feel pressure to have a “better” picture than they are capable of producing.

-they require very little collaboration between peers. Working together to create a beautiful work of art can be very rewarding.

-they aren’t open-ended, meaning the activity of coloring is the only choice. When you have blank paper, you can create anything, and use anything.

My experience has shown some benefits for some children on occasion. When you’re at a restaurant with three young children waiting for food, the coloring pages keep the kids occupied. But as early educators, our job is to keep the children engaged as opposed to busy. There’s a big difference.

Occasionally, children who are difficult to reach will migrate to coloring pages as a task. The structure and predictability of having all those lines can offer a sense of security. But of course, so can the presence of a caring educator.

This is not meant as a judgement, just advice. Please consider the intended use of coloring pages before you offer them, especially all of you early educators out there.

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Food Pouches…good or bad?

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One of the latest trends in baby and toddler foods are pouches. They offer a nutritious and highly portable option for feeding young ones. They require no specific temperatures for storage, and have a decent shelf life so they are great for travel. They are also a tidy alternative to messy baby food in a bowl. Many companies are offering these products made organically, and include super foods like kale and chia. And then there’s the independence that a pouch offers to a toddler who wants to do everything on their own.

So what’s the down side, you ask? They are expensive for one thing. Cost can be anywhere from $1.50 to $2.75 per pouch, depending on where you are located. The other downside is that while you can order your own refillable pouches, many of us don’t, and the one time use pouches are not recyclable in all areas. The other thing to consider is that more and more eating is happening on the go. Sitting down at the table is an incredible opportunity to connect with your family. In our hurry up world, we can’t afford to lose this critical family time. Besides, sitting down is the safest way for a toddler to eat.

Another drawback to offering pouches to older infants and toddlers is that they may develop a preference over solid fruits and veggies. What a shame for them to miss out on the variety of textures and flavors, not to mention the sensory experience that solid foods offer. Just think of the impact chewing food has on the jaw muscles. The muscles of the jaw need the workout and the sensory input.

I think it’s important to point out of couple of things here:

-most families willing to make the investment in pouches still value traditional sit down meals.
-many families still value the benefits of eating solid foods.
-many families who try to eat organic and whole foods are also the same folks who are trying to preserve the environment.
-pouches offer a nutritional option for travel and as a fast food alternative.

Bottom line, pouches can be a great part of a nutritious diet rich in variety and whole foods. Please use them wisely and responsibly. And please continue to offer solid foods as well.

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Pacifiers…

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A pacifier serves a purpose, but you’ll be hard pressed to find a consensus among parents as to what that could be. Let me help you, infants are born with a natural need to suck. It’s how they learn to self-soothe, and it’s what allows them to nurse right away. A pacifier helps to meet this need.

A pacifier is a useful item in the beginning when infants are still learning to calm themselves. As they get a little older, 6 months or so, they begin to self-soothe in other ways. Guess what? The infant won’t need the pacifier as much. Take advantage of the opportunity to step back from pacifier reliance.

Slowly limit use to difficult transition times only, like bedtime. Also, stop bringing pacifiers out and about with you anymore. Tell your child it’s just for bedtime, and if they forget about it, that’s ok.

Depending on your child’s temperament, I would recommend removing all pacifiers from your child’s life by 18 months. At this point, they just don’t need it.

I know this sounds harsh, but the sooner the better in my experience. Speech, teeth, and self-regulation are all affected by the use (and overuse) of a pacifier at this point. Infants and toddlers also learn social cues by mimicking expressions of others. They can’t do that if they’re “plugged in”.

So prepare for a couple of grumpy nights, maybe more depending on your child, and toss out those pacifiers. You’ll be surprised how quickly your toddler gets over it, and you’ll be grateful not to be the parent of the 5 year old who is still using one!

*please keep in mind there are exceptions to every “rule”*

Developmental age and chronological age are not always in sync, and some children are under more stress than others. Use your judgement and help meet the needs (not necessarily wants) of your child in your own way.

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Toilet Learning, aka Potty Training

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This is a hot topic for so many of you, and there’s so much advice out there…I don’t want to overwhelm anyone so I’ll keep it simple: Toilet learning is a natural process in which young children need to take the lead.

I’ve spent the majority of my career (15 years or so), working with two and three year olds. That’s a lot of diaper to pull-up to underwear transitions. I’ve learned that it is a child-driven process, that is only successful when children are truly ready.

Children who are “trained” (I really don’t like this word when talking about toilet use) early, 18 months or so, will regress and have frequent accidents. How do I know this? Seen it. Consistently. Toddlers will learn to hold their urine, and it will appear that they are potty trained. But after a few months, there will be frequent accidents. The walls of the bladder thicken, just like a bicep that’s been doing lots of curls . When it comes to your bladder, thicker is not better. Holding bowel movements is an issue too, leading to constipation and extra pressure on the bladder, among other problems.

So then there are the well-meaning parents who tell care providers that if they put little Johnny on the potty every 30 minutes, he won’t wet his underwear. First of all, does little Johnny want to spend his whole day in the bathroom? No, and logistically, a care provider just can’t do it. And then there’s the pressure he puts himself under, leading to anxiety and insecurity, and the disappointment he’ll feel when he wets his pants. Trust me, he will. No thank you.

The children I’ve seen have a positive and self-driven toilet learning experience have shown basic signs first. When they are ready, you’ll know. It won’t be a battle or power struggle. It’ll be a positive experience for everyone ultimately, leading to feelings of competence and success.

Signs:
The child shows an interest, either by modeling your behavior or talking about it.

Your child tells you when diaper is soiled, or recognizes when he/she is going.

Dry diapers over a 2 hour period or after nap.

A child has skills that will support toilet learning such as walk, talk, and pull up pants(try anyway).

Suggestions:
Encourage the use of a real toilet when interested…it’ll be so much easier when you are at the grocery store with a child who has to pee.

When you begin to see signs, ask if your child would like to use the toilet.

Expect interest to ebb and flow for a bit…it’s scary to learn a new skill. Also be aware that transitions in a child’s life (new baby, different routines, moving to new house) will affect this process greatly, often resulting in regression or holding. Just be patient.

Use the actual words for body parts (this will be important later on)

Avoid anger at accidents, use a matter of fact tone and let it go. Also avoid treats and rewards-no one gives me candy for using the toilet. Your child needs to internalize the feelings associated with accomplishment, which is less likely when a reward is used.

There may be the rare exceptions out there, but trust me, rare is the exception. Good luck! I hope this is helpful, especially since I said I’d keep it simple, and I really didn’t!

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Hats, Mittens, and Boots! Oh my!

It’s that time of year again, and over the past few years, I’ve learned a few things about outerwear for toddlers and young children. Living in the northeast, it’s just part of taking care of children here.

1. Label it. Kids lose things, and we all tend to purchase similar items.

2. Avoid Velcro. It’s wonderful for so many things, but not for boots and mittens. Once it gets caked with snow, you’re done, the boots won’t close and neither will the mittens.

3. Boots with liners are helpful. Boots will get wet, filled with snow, and just plain stinky. Having removable liners will make it so much easier to dry out the boots and make them last longer. Just in case it’s too late, stuff newspaper into the wet boots and change it often. It works!

4. Look for more flexible mittens, and mittens with an elastic cuff. If a mitten is too thick or stiff, the kids will take it off more quickly. Kids want to stay warm, but they also want to pick things up and use their hands. They will choose to be cold.

5. Hats are just super fun! Get your kids wearing their hats in October and thru April so when it’s really cold, they’ll be ready.

I hope these hints are helpful! Let me know if you have any thoughts on outerwear for kids!

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